The many sides of grief and their effects on the chronically ill

A little over five years after my dear Ma passed away, I still often wake up with an aching in my chest, gasping for air. Like my Grampie, she frequents my dreams, and some days, like today, I wake bawling with fresh tears washing over my tear crusted cheeks.

Grief doesn’t only hurt emotionally. It hurts physically too.

Studies say grief not only results in stress and depression, but it can also take a toll on our physical bodies, exacerbating existing conditions like fibromyalgia and chronic pain, and bringing new ailments our way. 

It can cause us to experience a range of symptoms including like tightness and heaviness in the chest or throat, nausea, upset stomach, dizziness, headaches, numbness, muscle weakness, gastrointestinal upset, tension, and fatigue. 

And this is a very conservative list of symptoms.

I remember when I was about five years old my aunty passed away, and it was the first time I’d ever been to a funeral or experienced death in my family. 

Broken hearts

To this day I have no idea what my Aunty died of, all I remember is my relatives saying she died of a broken heart. As I got older I heard more people talk of cases like these, where people died of a broken heart, following life stresses or soon after experiencing a bereavement themselves. 

Turns out, broken heart syndrome is a real thing, a temporary heart condition caused by severe emotional or physical stress that weakens the heart muscle. 

Grief doesn’t have a set trajectory. For some it can take months, for others, years. 

Some losses, can feel as fresh today like we are living them for the first time.

I’ve had three bereavements this year, and I’ve noted the cumulative effect on my fibromyalgia and mental health— increased pain, insomnia, digestive issues, migraines, cognitive impairments,  heightened anxiety, low mood… 

People say time heals all things, but I’ve never believed this. I think we merely adjust, and get used to carrying the pain, like a rucksack to work or school everyday.

I am not the same since my grandparents died, since the loss of my birds, my friends… just as I am sure you are not the same after carrying your own grief. 

Grief changes us, and in many cases can be detrimental. So this is just a gentle reminder, to give yourself a little extra care and love if you’re bereaved or still in the throes of grief, particularly if you live with fibromyalgia, depression or other chronic health conditions.  

Your heart deserves care too.

Lots of love, gentle hugs xx