A year ago today, I lost my friend Charls suddenly to suicide.
As a suicide attempt survivor myself, we were able to speak openly with each other whenever we were struggling and needed support. I was there for her, and she was there for me. I thought and believed she was safe, and that she would be okay.
The guilt and pain I’ve felt over the past year — wondering whether I should have done more, called more, checked in more — has been unreal. I know my friend would never blame me. But grief leaves you with so many what ifs, and I still find myself wondering: what if I had done more?
My own experiences have not lessened the guilt or the pain of losing her. If anything, losing Charls has reinforced for me the urgency of suicide awareness, reducing stigma and making sure people can access the support and resources they need.
Every year, I talk about suicide prevention training. About raising awareness. About checking in on people, and being able to ask each other, “Are you okay?” and to have the difficult conversations that can follow.
But no matter how much we do, I believe we can always do more. We have to keep trying.
Every life lost is precious. And the pain of losing someone reaches so very far.
A year later, I still miss my friend. I always will.
Rest in peace, Charls. 💜 I love you 💜
Zero Suicide Alliance has free and vital training. I’ve done it and encourage you to do it too.
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