When living is hard …RIP Avicii

Every time I hear of someone’s struggles with living, my heart breaks a bit more. 

It has bothered me to hear of Swedish DJ, Avicii’s sad passing, and to learn from his family that he “struggled with thoughts on meaning, life, happiness.”

“Our beloved Tim was a seeker, a fragile artistic soul searching for answers to existential questions. He wanted to find peace,” they said.

Yes it is news, that would make anyone sad, but I think for people who can relate to the depth of feelings that could lead one to seek an escape, it certainly feels raw and close to home.

It is not an easy thing to talk about, to explain, to get people to understand.

For some of us it might be as a result of abuses and traumas we suffered; things that still haunt us in our waking moments and sleep. For some of us, it is because we are searching…searching for something, some place that we are not quite sure of or how to get to. And sometimes it is because some of us have never managed to be truly happy.

I often ask friends who seem happy, what it is that makes their lives worth living. I get a range of answers – things like family, faith, having a purpose (and knowing what it is), love, their children, dreams…. and these are all so important, but I cannot explain fully why for some of us the search for meaning seems endless or unattainable.

What makes your life worth living?

All I can say is it is a pain that runs deep.  As someone who has had recurrent struggles with living, and being present, I know that there are other people walking around, with perfect masks on, buzzing around life with fleeting smiles, sometimes plastic ones too, hiding a well of longing. And what matters to us are the little things, the little moments that neither money nor material things can buy.

True connections with people who love us and who we love back. Belonging; Those fleeting moments when a total stranger touches our lives or vice versa and we see humanity for its worth; A baby’s unrestraint laughter, tears of joy; tokens of love, friendship and community; kindness; Moments where art, music, words or events…kisses, connect our souls to the vast, magnificent universe, of which we are a part.

I’ve often replayed Avicii’s haunting cover of Feeling Good, over and over again, eyes closed, letting it transport me somewhere else. It is music that for a moment, rekindles something inside. He had that gift, which he shared with us. And it is no surprise. Often, the most troubled souls are the ones capable of connecting on a deeper level, and translating the magic of the world around us.

RIP Tim.

Gentle hugs x

Slider image by Florin Tomozei
Cover image by Michael Fertig