I may need a walking stick, again.
I am not happy about this but some days the pain in my feet is unbearable. Whenever I get caught off guard by the fiery stabs striking my feet I risk falling over.
Living with an invisible illness is hard as it is. My visually impaired friend said he thinks living with an invisible illness is harder than living with a visible one. Perhaps he is right.
Maybe the walking stick will make it easier and people will realise fibromyalgia isn’t imaginary.
But I still don’t want the stick.
At the end of 20- something, I feel more like 90-something. They say fibromyalgia isn’t progressive. I’m a little sceptical about this. And perhaps my reluctance to get a walking stick has to do with me not wanting to think that my health may be deteriorating.
Then there’s the severe jaw pains that keeps me awake at night. Well technically that pain is only making my already wakeful night painful. Insomnia is what keeps me up. The exhaustion makes me dizzy.
My mood is in the pits, my spirit weary. Depression is another aspect of fibromyalgia that patients struggle with. So many of you suffer quietly until you ask the question, and then you realise you are not alone. Speak out, share your pain. Our burdens are lighter when we bear them together.
Many of you say you fight with courage for your children and lovers. Neither of these have I.
Of late, I do not know where the fight comes from. Or why it comes. Why I continue to climb. Where is purpose?
But in truth, a little seed of hope inside me has planted an expectation that the Giver of life will lift me up on his wings like an eagle. And one day I will soar.
I pray you will too.
Gentle hugs 🙂