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Ramblings on a fibromyalgia flare

Photo by Boglarka Otti
Photo by Boglarka Otti

I may need a walking stick, again.

I am not happy about this but some days the pain in my feet is unbearable. Whenever I get caught off guard by the fiery stabs striking my feet I risk falling over.

Living with an invisible illness is hard as it is. My visually impaired friend said he thinks living with an invisible illness is harder than living with a visible one. Perhaps he is right.

Maybe the walking stick will make it easier and people will realise fibromyalgia isn’t imaginary.

Maybe.

But I still don’t want the stick.

 

Fighting fibromyalgia

At the end of 20- something, I feel more like 90-something. They say fibromyalgia isn’t progressive. I’m a little sceptical about this. And perhaps my reluctance to get a walking stick has to do with me not wanting to think that my health may be deteriorating.

Then there’s the severe jaw pains that keeps me awake at night. Well technically that pain is only making my already wakeful night painful. Insomnia is what keeps me up. The exhaustion makes me dizzy.

My mood is in the pits, my spirit weary. Depression is another aspect of fibromyalgia that patients struggle with. So many of you suffer quietly until you ask the question, and then you realise you are not alone. Speak out, share your pain. Our burdens are lighter when we bear them together.

Many of you say you fight with courage for your children and lovers. Neither of these have I.

Of late, I do not know where the fight comes from. Or why it comes. Why I continue to climb. Where is purpose?

But in truth, a little seed of hope inside me has planted an expectation that the Giver of life will lift me up on his wings like an eagle. And one day I will soar.

One day.

I pray you will too.

Gentle hugs 🙂

potofcallaloo
Alisha Nurse is a curry-loving writer & comms professional who holds a Master of Arts Degree in Journalism (International) from the University of Westminster, London. Get in touch with any feedback or questions via the contact form in the 'About' section.

2 thoughts on “Ramblings on a fibromyalgia flare

  1. I am sure that your fight comes from deep inside you, and you have much more fight inside you than you realize. I have had fibromyalgia for, well, who knows how long? I knew something was wrong with me when I was only in my teens, although I was not diagnosed until I was in my late 30s. Now I am 61. From my own experience, I would have to say it is not progressive. I had longer-lasting flares when I was in my 20s and would be in bed for a week at a time. Pain in my feet was terrible a few years ago but now is much better. Recently I have had pain and severe fatigue, but my life has been very stressful, as my mother recently passed away, and my 4-year-old grandson had 2 brain operations. And I feel better now than I did a few days ago. So, it comes and it goes. Keep up the good fight! I will be thinking of you! Hugs!

    1. Oh I’m sorry about your mum and grandson. I hope he is doing better now?
      I do tend to have bad flares as well when I am very stressed.
      but this is scary because I thought I was feeling a bit better for some time.
      It helps to share I think, with others who can relate with me. Thanks for being there and sharing with me.
      How do you manage with the fatigue? it’s my worse symptom.
      Thanks for all the kind words. I keep you in my heart as well. hugs 🙂 x

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