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Wait! What Weight?  

Photo by Alan Cleaver
Photo by Alan Cleaver

I’ve gained ten pounds.

Just a month ago my friend was commenting on how I was wilting away.

I was enjoying it – the feel of my slim body brushing against my more loose fitting clothing. It made me feel more attractive. More appealing. And physically better too.

My unhealthy self-image-weight issues are exacerbated by my ever fluctuating weight.

Today I’m leaner, tomorrow, rounder round the edges. My inability to control my weight, is, to say the least annoying. Not being able to control my own body makes me feel less­ in control of me. I find it distressing, really.

Since my diagnosis of fibromyalgia this has been a thorny issue. Many of the painkillers I’ve taken have caused weight gain and the solutions haven’t always been as simple as switching to something else.

Contributing factors + the cycle

For a condition that is still being widely debated within the medical fraternity, there is a small pool of medication that doctors tend to prescribe specifically for the treatment of fibromyalgia. Then, the myriad of seemingly unrelated symptoms call for additional medication.

The lack of exercise is another factor. Most of us can only do graded exercise. Every person with fibromyalgia is different. My exhaustion levels make ‘regular’ exercise very difficult. I have tried yoga, physiotherapy and jogging. I find brisk walking alright if I can get into a habit of doing it regularly, then the impact on my feet’s muscles isn’t too bad.

Ultimately, the one way I’ve constantly turned to managing my weight is through watching my diet (sometimes calorie counting yes). This works for me.

But…(enter junk food and sweet temptation).

When my mood plummets, so does my determination to stay fit. My appetite starts screaming and to comfort myself I end on up binges. The whole melee is a bad pudding which is fed by severe depression.

I’ve developed an eating disorder 🙁 (Depression is really one hell of a thing. )I’m not sure how that happened but reading back, I think it’s pretty evident. It’s the cycle.

Low mood+no eating+eventual binges+no exercise+alcohol+eating disorder=weight gain

My confidence levels plummet. When will it end?

Damn it, damn it, damn it. (Alcohol doesn’t help but I reserve this issue for another blog another day.)

Sorry, rant over. It’s a terrible cycle and I hope one day I will overcome it. One sweet day.

Gentle hugs 🙂

 

 

 

potofcallaloo
Alisha Nurse is a curry-loving writer & comms professional who holds a Master of Arts Degree in Journalism (International) from the University of Westminster, London. Get in touch with any feedback or questions via the contact form in the 'About' section.

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