I’d been lying there drifting in and out of consciousness at the intensive care unit in hospital.
I was numb and vacant as ever with no motivation, strength or will to do anything except be still.
No I don’t want to chew, swallow, drink, breathe in for you… no motivation or will or strength means just that. It ain’t gonna spring out of my belly button, no it won’t.
But as the days wore on something baffling happened. Motivation came, unexpected.
I found it in the kindness of strangers and the love of friends.
I still couldn’t answer the whys and hows, but I just decided to do and not think. Because the one thing I was able to process in my muddled mind, was that there was a group of people caring for me so lovingly when I couldn’t for myself.
My friends turned up every single day with their warm smiles and goodies.
The hands of love
They watched me sleep, helped me to eat, combed my unruly hair, bought my favourite things, prayed and loved me so. Those who couldn’t come, called and wrote.
When they weren’t there, I was cared for by amazing nurses and doctors who came and kept my company and did some of the things my friends weren’t there to do.
“You’re so so pretty” said the smiling nurse as she poked my arm looking for a vein. She was one of many who empathised with me, encouraged me, offered to do anything to help me feel better and patiently explained why I had to be attached to the annoying machines when I complained a zillion times like I hadn’t known.
Even in that state of numbness, this love and kindness was uplifting and so, so moving. I wanted to try. How can it make you want to try? I don’t know, it just does.
It made me realise somethings not only about my friends but the medical practitioners who cared for me with such love. (Please understand I’ve had less than impressive care at hospital before so this was really overwhelming.)
It takes really special people to care for others like that everyday with such love and patience.
And of my friends…sometimes the friends one expects to see in dark times, aren’t always those who turn up.
Occasionally when life gets tough, we find motivation to carry on from the strangest of places. For me, I found it in the kindness of strangers and love of friends.
Thankyou to Dr David McLaughlin and the entire team at Lewisham Hospital’s High Dependency Unit and Chestnut Ward, and to my loving, loving family who I call friends – too many to call by name, you lift me up with your love.
Gentle hugs 🙂