If at any time I was at risk of screaming publicly it was last week.
I am not going crazy.
But I have a thing, a bad thing, allergy or something to stupid people. Apologies. That should be people who repeatedly say nonsense, and with the kind of stubborn confidence.
Forgive me. I don’t like that word. Stupid.
It takes a great degree of it to make me even contemplate using it. But I am trying to live a life of kindness even towards those who test my sanity.
Back on track… I almost screamed last week. I was already screaming in my head actually while keeping a straight face at the official talking at me. My friend rubbing my back in a circular motion.
Sitting in the Accident & Emergency, I was faced with a seemingly inept professional who would not see sense.
I’d been sent there because I was at risk. I was a feeble, frail thing, and so was my mind. My depression and anxiety levels had taken a serious nose dive and I was suffering so immensely I needed help. Soon. My GP and the Samaritans sent me there.
Hours later, I sat quietly being talked at by a professional who after yet another assessment, finally asked, “Do you have internet access?”
That was soon followed by “Google stress management techniques and self help groups.”
He was serious.
This is the part where I wanted to scream. Had he not listened to a word I’d said?
I tried one more time. Maybe he didn’t understand.
So the man did understand. (Or maybe his head was stuck up his posterior).
I realised something that day.
I always thought if you went to hospital to be rescued maybe nurses treated you with scorn because they felt you didn’t deserve help for giving up. Not that that warrants or excuses contempt. So I thought if you were proactive and sought help before getting to that point, well, you’d get help. But instead, you meet people who don’t listen or send you home to Google when you could possibly be a danger to yourself.
I appreciate not all will endure the same experiences and I hope no one else has to endure this. Thankfully for me, an angel was at my side and I wasn’t alone like in past times. Not everyone is that fortunate.
People who suffer from depression and anxiety face many struggles every day. Just getting through the day is a challenge. Multiple it if you live with fibromyalgia. But then you must also face the stigma, the closed ears, the ignorant minds and turned faces.
Cries for help are ignored.
1 million people across the globe die by suicide annually. How many of them were ignored?
The hypocrisy of the world we live in shames me. We donate to save starving children in faraway lands, lament the tragedy of wars that should have never started, fallen soldiers, fatherless children… but we judge and do not listen or care to help the people we pass daily – our neighbours, our daughters and sons, parents, friends, patients… because we perceive their suffering as unreal, exaggerated, self inflicted or unworthy of our attention.
Such a darn shame. The world has so far to go with understanding depression. But it wouldn’t hurt to start with an opened listening ear and compassionate heart. Until then, I’m staying in my shell before I start screaming.
Gentle Hugs 🙂