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Dating with Fibromyalgia

Photo by Tetra Pak

“It’s not contagious is it?” said the handsome solicitor I’d been getting to know in the build up before a date.

I assured him he wouldn’t get fibromyalgia from going out with me but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t turned off after that.

The world of dating and relationships can already be complicated and tricky but when you add a condition like fibromyalgia to the equation it can really get confusing.

When is the best time to tell a date or someone you like that you have fibromyalgia? Will it scare them off? Or will they say they understand and then run off when the going gets tough? What if the effects of fibromyalgia hurt them more than it does you?

It isn’t easy. Hasn’t been easy. But here is what I’ve found so far.

Discoveries

There are indeed the guys/girls who will run off after you mention the F word and the complications married to it. Given the seemingly low awareness of fibromyalgia, I always have to explain what it is to anyone I meet. I try to do this in the simplest way possible.

Still, the first dilemma I always face is finding the right time to bring it up.

A friend of mine had said she’d found it best to bring up health issues as early as possible so any potential love interest could decide  whether they want to deal with it.

But when it comes to fibromyalgia specifically, I prefer that people get to know me as a person first before slapping them with the ‘I have fibromyalgia.”

I don’t want anyone to think that I am fibromyalgia, or that fibromyalgia is me.

It is not.

On the contrary, despite the challenges of chronic pain, debilitating exhaustion, insomnia and depression among others, there is so much more to me beyond that. As I am certain there is so much more to you besides fibromyalgia.

The Right One

I sometimes battle with the fear and anxiety of who would want to be with a fibromyalgia sufferer. Like me. Understanding and coping with this condition is easier than it sounds.

No doubt it is also difficult for our loved ones.

I’m often too exhausted on evenings and weekends to have any semblance of a social life.

Who will understand? And who will still love me?

I’d met a lovely guy who unknowingly answered the question.

After weeks of getting to know each other, he said to me out of the blue, “you know you don’t have to pretend with me right? If you’re tired or feeling unwell it’s ok, we don’t have to go out.”

Who will still want to be with me when they realise the impact of fibromyalgia?

Someone who sees my worth.

And that’s that. Anyone who can’t see our worth beyond fibromyalgia just isn’t right for us.

That is all.

Gentle Hugs 🙂

potofcallaloo
Alisha Nurse is a curry-loving writer & comms professional who holds a Master of Arts Degree in Journalism (International) from the University of Westminster, London. Get in touch with any feedback or questions via the contact form in the 'About' section.

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