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The Creativity Killer

My fingers annoyingly tapped the keys on my laptop.

I’d been sitting there for a while but the words didn’t come.

Think of a water balloon filled to capacity, hanging heavy just waiting, waiting, waiting to explode.

Well that is me.

I am filled with so, so many stories. I am eager to tell them, but I am often stymied by something.

Fibromyalgia.

Call me a pessimist, but fibromyalgia and creativity do not go together.

How could they?

Fibromyalgia = Dead Creativity?

Fibromyalgia is brain fog. It is pain. It is cognitive challenges, mind-numbing migraines and debilitating exhaustion among other equally less fine things.

How can one imagine, express freely, invent and craft with everything that is fibromyalgia?

One can, but is it truly being creative?

Could I tell a story with my mouth gagged? Or paint a picture with my hands tied?

I don’t like counting creativity if it’s restricted.

I hate giving less than my best in anything and fibromyalgia arguably makes it impossible to give one’s best.

If you can’t tell, I’m very annoyed. Give me some days and I’ll get angry. I’ll probably want to strangle my laptop, then I’ll cry. Then… I’ll go back to the start and try again.

In the final analysis

Fibromyalgia makes it so difficult to write a story with the right words, and paint a picture with the right colours.

But despite my pessimistic nature, I am always inclined to believe that there is always a way.

If there is anything positive that comes out of this situation, it’s that when the words do come, after the tireless slaving over the laptop, wracking of the brain and wringing myself dry, I appreciate every word that I manage to write. Every full stop. Every comma. Every dot over the i.

Because I know in the final analysis, thanks (grudgingly) to fibromyalgia, I have laboured in love.

potofcallaloo
Alisha Nurse is a curry-loving writer & comms professional who holds a Master of Arts Degree in Journalism (International) from the University of Westminster, London. Get in touch with any feedback or questions via the contact form in the 'About' section.

4 thoughts on “The Creativity Killer

  1. I can relate to this as I love painting and writing and sometimes find it very difficult as I cant concentrate…I have fibromyalgia and often have bad days but I do have some not so bad days too…luckily its those days I try to concentrate on and inspire my motivation…on the bad days I often find myself giving into the fact I am struggling and try to accept it…although that doesnt often work as I get very frustrated.

    1. Thanks for your comment Bev. It is really frustrating isn’t it? Whether I’m writing or drawing it just annoys me so much. I’m so happy that at least you have some good days when it’s easier. You can try to make the most of those days and just give yourself a break on the bad days.

      But I feel with me because I don’t really have good days, I feel like I need to push myself always otherwise I’d never get any work done :S

      Happy painting Bev! xx

    1. Thank you so much. That was a very encouraging comment. I often find it hard to express myself verbally in the way I mean to and this can be so frustrating. But we must continue to try regardless 🙂 Take care and stop by again 🙂

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