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Photo by кофе

Photo by кофе

As always I am thinking about purpose. Alot of things about it.

I don’t know if the same is true for anyone else who has walked in my shoes, but everytime I have seriously considered suicide or acted towards it, I always wondered what the world would be like without me. I say world, but I mean what would it be like for the people in my world to not have me anymore.

I always felt my existence had been meaningless.

And while I still struggle with this to a great degree, I’ve realised something imperative.

I’d always thought without me life would just go on. The people who love me would mourn but eventually life would carry on as it does. I don’t think I’ve made any significant contributions to the world to not be forgotten. Not yet anyway.

Years ago, I visited my home country from which I’d migrated. When it was time to leave, I was surprised at how my little sister wept. She went to school inconsolable. I left and later found that she had cried herself so sick, the school telephoned to ask for a relative to pick her up. I was moved to tears and overwhelmed. This was an important moment for me.  View full article »


Photo by Let Grow Therapy and Counseling

I had my skepticism about therapy. It remains, mostly as the sessions unravel.

And not just psychodynamic therapy. But group pyschodynamic therapy. (Forgive me if I spell one of the ‘therapies’ wrongly. It is going on day three or so without sleep and the fibro fog is properly clogging my brains.)

Anyway, I was just going to say despite my reluctance to do the group thing, I was pleasantly surprised at how I’ve been benefiting from the sessions. I had tried CBT previously and it wasn’t really for me and I also had preconceived notions and fears about being in a group.

I was wrong. So far. View full article »

When there are no words

Photo by Robert Flake

Photo by Robert Flake

Sometimes we feel so much yet there are no words possible to convey what we live.

The burdens we suffer silently, trying to overcome.

It bothers me that so many people are hurting, feeling suicidal and being driven to suicide.

It distresses me because I know what drives one to the edge of that precipice. The desperation and the overbearing despair that seems never ending.

I want to save those of you in pain. But this road is such a rough, rocky one. I’m not always sure what to say because I don’t have the answers, I am trying to figure them out too. I do however think it’s important to know that you’re not alone. It’s taken me many years to stop feeling alone. We are never alone. And it is in sharing with each other that we find strength. View full article »


Worth a read!

Originally posted on Pride in Madness:

Found an amazing article on self harm this morning while scrolling through Facebook. The author combines her personal experience with self harm with academic research. Seriously, it’s pretty great!

Why self-harm?

Cutting brings relief because emotion and pain criss-cross in the brain. Can we untangle the circuits and stop self-harm?

“Over the years, I’ve tried to explain self-injury to my therapists, my parents, my friends and, most recently, my husband. Everyone has the same plaintive question: ‘Why?’ Mostly, I just shrug my shoulders and mutter: ‘Dunno.’ I don’t tell them that I am asking the same question of myself. I don’t enjoy the process, nor do I like the scars. It’s shameful and embarrassing. I desperately wanted to stop, but one thing kept getting in my way: after I cut, I felt better.”

“Gould and Pyle classified this ritualistic self-harm as a form of hysteria, and…

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Originally posted on Young & Twenty:

Mental health isn’t a trend. It isn’t a group on Facebook or a card to play for pity. Mental health is a backpack you can’t take off, carrying the weight of your past and the burden of your thoughts. It’s a loss of control, the truth behind your mask. It’s your head in your hands and ringing in your ears. So, don’t say you’re sorry; say you understand. Don’t say statistics; say you cry too. Don’t say this world is hard; say it’s possible to survive.

mental health1. Depression. Depression isn’t suicidal. It doesn’t paint purple bags beneath your eyes or leave your wrists scared with self-loath. There’s no rain cloud over your head or an all black dress code. You don’t spend your days choking on tears with makeup stained cheeks. Depression isn’t an Instagram caption, proclaiming sadness about a broken heel and it isn’t an opportunity to incorporate self-pity into casual…

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